Kurt Weiske wrote to All <=-
The Holiness of Coffee, Part I
The Coffee Theory of Civilization is simple and indisputable: Coffee caused European civilization.
Compare Scandinavia B.C.:
Crude Viking raiders
Subsistence farmers
Bestiality
with Scandinavia A.D. :
Nobel Peace Prize
Euthanasia
Socialism
Danish modern furniture.
Historical evidence suggests that the beginning of the Baroque period
in art closely with the infusion of coffee into the indigenous European cultures.
Coffee was first introduced in Southern Italy and soon spread
northward, in the same sequence as baroqueness. The advent of the
Roccoco period coincides with the advent of expresso methods. However, even Coffee has proven a mixed blessing, as the genesis of the
insurance racket can be traced to Lloyd's coffee house in London, where habities wagered on the safe arrival of seagoing trading
vessels.
Selflessly braving untold hazards, the authors have collected several primitive chants from the secret javacrucian sect, which
are recited by cultists while grinding beans, during the
transsubstantion of water into starter fluid, and while actually imbibing. The most widely practiced javacrucian rite is as follows:
Facing Rising Sun (where applicable; otherwise generic East or any
source of light will do), and holding the mug of Brewe, celebrant
takes first sip, elevates mug, and intones, "Gods, I needed that!" and means it.
Other rare and previously unrecorded chants are offered below:
A Grinding Invocation:
We all worship the Black Bean
Body of God, Caffeine
Where there is Life There is Coffee!
Where there is Coffee there is Life!
(repeat as needed)
Hayduke's Transubstantiation chant:
Chemicals! Chemicals!
Chemicals! Chemicals!, etc.
Jamaican Blue Coffee Chant:
Ja-va! Ja-va! Ja-va!!
North America, circa 1940:
I like Coffee, I like Tea,
I like the Java-Jive and it likes me!
The little-known Creation myth of the Javacrucians was channeled one Beltane Morning by Brother Buffalo, and promptly forgotten by all, who had not yet imbined the Sacred Substance. Careful anthropological research suggests that it had something to do with the great God fillintheblank being deterred from utter destruction of mankind in a
fit of disgust with the lesser god Java.
... Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
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Selflessly braving untold hazards, the authors have collected several primitive chants from the secret javacrucian sect, which
are recited by cultists while grinding beans, during the
transsubstantion of water into starter fluid, and while actually imbibing. The most widely practiced javacrucian rite is as
follows:
Facing Rising Sun (where applicable; otherwise generic East or any
source of light will do), and holding the mug of Brewe, celebrant
takes first sip, elevates mug, and intones, "Gods, I needed that!"
and means it.
Facing Rising Sun (where applicable; otherwise generic East or
any source of light will do), and holding the mug of Brewe,
celebrant takes first sip, elevates mug, and intones, "Gods, I
needed that!" and means it.
Doesn't EVERYBODY still do that in the morining? <G>
Hello August,
celebrant takes first sip, elevates mug, and intones, "Gods, I
needed that!" and means it.
Doesn't EVERYBODY still do that in the morining? <G>
I do, every morning. I actually do it in the afternoon as well and sometimes in the evening. ;)
I do, every morning. I actually do it in the afternoon as well and
sometimes in the evening. ;)
I was down to just one "real" coffee per day and the rest decaf for the
last 10 years - and actually felt better for it. But since covid19 I'm up
to 3 large "real" coffees most days - and starting to regret it.
Doesn't EVERYBODY still do that in the morining? <G>
Kris Mccabe wrote to August Abolins <=-
I always weigh up 50g of fair trade beans, roasted in my
country, every single morning. I grind them in a burr grinder, on
coarse. Then I boil purified water and after it stops boiling, I pour
it into my french press, wait 5 minutes, press it, and enter coffee nirvana. Even Kurt Cobain would be jealous!! What are you drinking
these days?
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