Hello John..

I was looking forward to the takedown on that loathsome Dimitri
character, but I was met with a reference to your old
blogspot.com page at the end of Ch54, :(

Once there, the site was only up to Ch53.

I see that the last entry was about 2011. Raising 3 daughters
at that point can certainly be a handful and not leave much
time for writing.

Being that your last chapter entry was in 2011, the following
notes and observations regarding the Mail-Order Bride story may
not be of too much interest. But here they are anyway. I have
a couple of questions too.

As I was reading the story with my Kobo, I kept my Blackberry
handy for taking these notes.

Ch1 I bought a few of the toys that I had been meaning to but
that I had felt I couldn't justify before.

[Seems like a strange sentence. Perhaps "I bought a few of the
toys that I had been meaning to but felt I couldn't justify
before." ..is better?]

Ch2 I like petite, slender woman and I could see from her photos that

[woman should be women?]

Ch5 pottered around

[a new phrase for me!]

Ch8 that that I could avoid

[a double "that"]

I can't believe that that sort of co-incidence

[and another one]

Ch12 Daise came wondering into my office

[wandering?]

When you laugh, it doesn't as far up as that

[huh? it doesn't what?]

Ch13 approach the entire process from the point of view.

[we would approach the entire process from THAT point of view?]

These were all indicators of a great shotist

[shootist?]

Ch16 I caught spotted Daise sitting..

[either caught or spotted, but not both?]

I complete the length

[completed?]

I would go fro m100 to zero

[fro m100 = from 100?]

I really want to you to touch me

[the first "to" could be left out?]

Ch19 Maseka had already transferred her small bag into the book of my car

[book = back?]

Ch26 or her hair had been died to match top and bottom

[dyed, not died]

Ch27 "They're force?"

[forced?]

If I got you and Katerina away

[There is no prior mention of Katerina at that point in the
story, from what I can remember]

Ch29 Their brains... process the information in coherent way.

[process the information in A coherent way.]

Ch30 she begged me to take her with, pointing..

[take her with ME, pointing..]

she had a point and told her to come with.

[to come with ME.]

Ch33 As usual, I swimming helped me

[THE swimming helped me]

Ch34 some things that I thin we haven't thought through

[some things that I think we haven't thought through]

Ch35. Make a stretcher for him and take him with.

[and take him with US?]

Ch36 over the line; they had killed one of my own..

[but didn't Rupert kill one of theirs when he rammed their
vehicle? And didn't Daise shoot and kill someone at that same
scene?]

I want you to send assign someone

[to send AND assign someone?]

he could control our movement with small tapping noises on his weapon to and hand signals

[tapping noises on his weapon including hand signals]

Ch38 I expect them to west and head for Everton Road.

[I expect them to head west for Everton Road]

Ch39 a little chat with him had soon gotten that they needed

[had soon gotten WHAT they needed]

It had been a bit of a surprise to see find that she

[a bit of a surprise to find out that she]

Ch40 (what happened to the dog?)

I had been easy for me to admire

[It had been easy for me to admire]

- which drew my eyes to the delightful things is did to her
chest

[delightful things IT did to her chest]

Ch43. meters from the hill where we we standing

[one we too many]

Ch44 told Daise and Alina that we half an hour to get ready

[that we HAD half an hour to get ready]

-when we got to the dining room, only slight later than

[only slightly later]

Ch47 If you have a few weeks spare, ask him

[a few weeks TO spare]

He was ran the computer systems

[He ran the computer systems]

Ch48 both the girls were up and dressed

[no need for "the"]

- no reference to this Dimitri at all, jsut what

[jsut = just]

Ch52 what is ELINT HUMINT and "recce"?

Ch53 I knew I was luck to have access

[luck -> lucky]

- putting thoughts of the two woman into

[woman -> women]

--
../|ug

--- OpenXP 5.0.50
* Origin: My Westcoast Point (1:153/757.21)

Re: [mail-order bride] errata and some questions
By: August Abolins to John Dovey on Sun Jul 04 2021 22:28:00

Great comments, thanks August. I will work through them and edit my story.
All the best
John
===
* El Gato de Fuego (The Fire Cat) 4:920/69 * Pedasi, Panama

... Tolkien is hobbit-forming.
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Cat of Fire aka El Gato de Fuego II (4:920/69)

Re: [mail-order bride] errata and some questions
By: August Abolins to John Dovey on Sun Jul 04 2021 22:28:00

I replied to this earlier, but it seems to have disappeared into the ether somewhere...

I was looking forward to the takedown on that loathsome Dimitri character, but I was met with a reference to your old
blogspot.com page at the end of Ch54, :(

Yes, I'm afraid I ran into *real life* and stopped writing. I have a pretty good idea of how it should go, just need to do the writing bit...

Thanks a million for the errata though. I'll go through and edit to fix that stuff.

All the best
John
===
* El Gato de Fuego (The Fire Cat) 4:920/69 * Pedasi, Panama

... Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Cat of Fire aka El Gato de Fuego II (4:920/69)