***********************************

A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him
and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!"

The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt."

The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in
heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win.

The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?"

The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen,
I didn't want my men to lose hope."

Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted
another twenty enemy ships!"

The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---

--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)

***********************************

Who invented King Arthur's round table?
Sir Circomference!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---

--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)

***********************************

An auto mechanic received a repair order that
read: "Check for clanking sound when going around
corners."

Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a
right turn, and a moment later he heard a 'clunk.'

He then made a left turn and again heard a
'clunk.'

Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and
soon discovered the problem.

Promptly he returned the repair order to the
service manager with the notation, "Removed
bowling ball from trunk."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Two fonts walk into a bar.

The bartender says to them, "Get out! We don't
serve your type here."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 8 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break
about being out late the night before.

The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was
asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak
into bed, and not get into trouble."

The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're
lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in
bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me
hell for being out so late."

The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"

The second man replied, "I turned out the light."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A military base commander called to complain that
the weather-forecasting software our company
created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind
shifts.

"Do you know where the sensor is located?"
my coworker asked.

"Of course," he responded.
"It's where we park the helicopters."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair,
twisting and moving all over the place. My wife
said to me, "Straighten her up."

I looked at my daughter and said, "What are you
doing with your life? Do you want to be this way
forever? It's time to grow up."

My wife hasn't asked me to do anything since.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had
been any interest in her paintings that were on
display.

"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner
responded. "The good news is that a gentleman
noticed your work and wondered if it would
appreciate in value after your death. I told him
it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's
the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 14 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Today's hospitals don't kid around. I won't say
what happens if you don't pay a bill, but did you
ever have tonsils put back in?

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica
Lewinsky turned 45.

Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday
she was crawling around the White House on her
hands and knees, and putting everything in her
mouth.

They grow up so fast, don't they?

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 6 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: How many seconds are there in one year?

A: 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March
2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd,
August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November
2nd, December 2nd.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 17 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A customer was bothering the waiter in a
restaurant. First, he asked that the air
conditioning be turned up because he was too hot,
then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he
walked back and forth and never once got angry. So
finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't
throw out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter
with a smile. "We don't even have an air
conditioner."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Why don't anteaters get sick?

Because they are full of antibodies!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one
night he's doing a show in a small club in a small
town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's
going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a
blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair
and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that
way? What does the color of a person's hair have
to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys
like you who keep women like me from being
respected at work and in the community and from
reaching our full potential as a person, because
you and your kind continue to perpetuate
discrimination against, not only blondes, but
women in general... and all in the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to
apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of
this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on
your knee!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a
painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden
of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm,"
muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're
naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are
French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out,
"they have only an apple to eat, and they're being
told this is paradise. They are Russian."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 5 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come
in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.

Obviously all of the heads of government and
religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so
they set up a meeting with our new visitors.

When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know
about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"

"You mean J.C?", responds the alien. "yeah we know
him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every
year to make sure that we are doing ok".

Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits
every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're
still waiting for his SECOND coming!"

The alien sees that the pope has become irate at
this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe
he likes our chocolate better than yours?"

The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking
about? What does that have to do with anything?"

The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our
planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why?
What did you guys do?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---

--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)

***********************************

The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good
news and some bad news."

"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.

"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime
scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."

"What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is 130."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---

--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)

***********************************

What a woman says:

"This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes
to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears:

blah, blah, blah, blah, "C'MON!
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

They threw me out of the cinema today
for bringing my own food.

But come on - the prices are way too high,
plus I haven't had a barbecue in months.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

What did the bald man exclaim when
he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 12 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Great Book Titles

How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts

Aches and Pains by Arthur Ritis

The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen

The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw

The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

`How to make a million dollars:
First, get a million dollars.'
Steve Martin

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

What English King invented the fireplace?

Alfred the grate

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 15 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Don't trust atoms

They make up everything

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 15 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

She was only a whiskey-maker,

but he loved her still.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 23 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came
face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

BERT: No, what happened?

FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The
gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and
beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer...

BERT: What did you do?

FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the
next cage.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

New and Improved Names for Boring Everyday Things

Couch = People Shelf

Books = Manual Films

Bracelets = Clockless Watches

Air Horn = Spray Scream

Bottled Water = Snowman Blood

Feather = Bird Leaf

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

What does a baby computer call his father?

Data.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Why Does Ariel wear seashells?

Because she can't fit into D-shells

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 14 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A couple have not been getting along for years, so
the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery
plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her
disappointment.

The next year, her birthday rolls around again and
this time he doesn't get her anything. She says,
"Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"

He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last
year!"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 14 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 14 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

Q: Why did the chicken go to the seance?

A: To get to the other side.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 15 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The nuns at the local convent had their daily
annoucement session. The mother superior walked
out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious
frown on her face. She began to speak...

Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed
committed here, yesterday. 99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's
underwear. 99 nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And I also found a condom. 99
nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And it has been used! 99 nuns:
Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it! 1
nun: Oh, No! 99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!....

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 15 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes
he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a
man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air
balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Technical Support," says the
balloonist.

"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have
told me is technically correct, but completely
useless."

The man below says: "You must be in management."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you
know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you
are, or where you're going, but you expect me to
be able to help. You're still in the same
position you were before we met, but now it's my
fault."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A married couple was in a terrible accident where
the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor
told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin
from her body, so the husband offered to donate
some of his own skin. However, the only skin on
his body that the doctor found suitable would have
to come from his rear end. The husband and wife
agreed that they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested that the doctor also
honor their secret. After all, this was a very
delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was
astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked
more beautiful than she ever had before! All her
friends and relatives just went on and on about
her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with
her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at
his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me. There is no way I could
ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I
get all the thanks I need every time I see your
mother kiss you on the cheek."

***********************************

RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019


---
--- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after
filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a
soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola
and he watched a couple of men working along the
roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three
feet deep and then move on. The other man came
along behind and filled in the hole. While one was
digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet
behind filling in the hole. The men worked right
past the fellow with the soft drink and went on
down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man
tossing the can in a trash container and heading
down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it,"
he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going
on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county government," one of
the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is
filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything.
Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men
said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
"Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and
Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree
and Mike here puts the dirt back."

"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's
sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

"There are two major products to come out of
Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to
be a coincidence.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

While I was assigned to the space shuttle program,
my job included ordering supplies. One of the
engineers requested a new dictionary. Following
regulations, I asked him why he needed it.

I expected his answer to be "My old copy is lost"
or "The cover is falling off." Instead he said,
"My current edition defines spaceship as an
`imaginary aircraft.'"

He got his new dictionary.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)

***********************************

The gladiator was having a rough day in the arena
his opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
Nevertheless, he kept on fighting, kicking and
biting as furiously as he could. But when his
opponent lopped off both feet, our gladiator had
no choice but to give up, for now he was both
unarmed and defeated.

***********************************

RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021


---
--- up 13 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)