WHAT REALLY MATTERS
Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been
canceled for the second time, but that our semi-annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned. "Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

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PAPA BEAR
My husband's cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears -- one in a
UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. "See, Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. "That's Daddy." Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, "You used to be a bear?" Submitted by Robin Yedlock

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STANDING VIOLATION
Sign above the toilet in a women's latrine at Camp Ripley in Minnesota: "If you are reading this sign while using this latrine, you are in the wrong
one." Mike Lins, Savage, Minnesota

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UNCLEAN
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home one evening to tell me he would be late. "Dirty magazines were
discovered in the platoon quarters," he said, "and the whole squad is being disciplined."
I launched into a tirade, arguing that Marines should not be penalized for something so trivial.
My husband interrupted. "Honey, when I said 'dirty magazines,' I meant the clips from their rifles hadn't been cleaned."

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BAND OR OFFICER
While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I
attended a nearby wedding. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officer's dress blue uniform. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. He then made his way to my side. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, "The band entrance is that way." --Gordon Van Otteren

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DOING WHAT YOU ARE TOLD
The colonel who served as inspector general in our command paid particular attention to how personnel wore their uniforms. On one occasion he spotted a junior airman with a violation. "Airman," he bellowed, "what do you do when a shirt pocket is unbuttoned?"
The startled airman replied, "Button it, sir!"
The colonel looked him in the eye and said, "Well?"
At that, the airman nervously reached over and buttoned the colonel's shirt pocket.

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WHAT REALLY MATTERS
Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been
canceled for the second time, but that our semi-annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned. "Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

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--- Binbrook, ON: Clear -1C, UV Index: 1
* Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)